Failure is Part of the Journey to Success

I have been wanting to run a motivational workshop/retreat for as long as I can remember. I’ve attended so many of them and would carefully pay attention to how each one was lead and organized. I obtained numerous ideas for how I would run my own workshop and eagerly wrote them down in my journal. After at least ten years of thinking and planning and ruminating about my workshop, my idea finally came to fruition this month. Well, sort of. 

I decided that my workshop would be for people of a certain age who felt that they couldn’t achieve new goals and dreams because of their age. After much thought, I came up with a great name for my workshop: “Achieve Your Dream at Any Age or Any Stage,” and found a picture of a tall mast of a sailboat stretching endlessly upward toward a magnificent sky that I had taken this past summer that I would use for my promotional image. I rented a space in Watertown to run my workshop and paid the venue $50 to market it. I carefully planned and put together a wonderful workshop filled with a PowerPoint, interactive activities, songs and reflections. I was all set!

And then it didn’t happen. Just like that! I had to cancel my workshop because I only had one person interested in attending. Talk about feeling defeated. After all of my hard work and planning over so many years, how could my dream end up in disaster like this? In all of my imagining about my workshop, it had never occurred to me that no one would come.

So I had a choice to make: give up on my dream, which was my immediate reaction. “It was a stupid idea,” I thought. “What was I thinking?” Or I could pick myself up and try to think of other ways to do my workshop. I chose to do the latter. I guess either I’m insane for believing that I’ll get different results from doing the same thing or I’m an eternal optimist. I like to believe that I’m the latter.

The night that my workshop was supposed to run I went to the gym and the owner said, “Why aren’t you at your workshop?” Gulp. “Well, it didn’t run due to low enrollment, I sheepishly admitted.” She then told me that I could use her gym space for FREE to run my workshop and offered to promote it in her classes. What a boost I had just received! Almost instantly, after feeling so defeated, the Universe had conspired to push me forward in going for my dream.

A lot of times when people experience a setback or failure in going for their dream, they tend to give up, thinking that their idea must have been stupid or that they didn’t do it right. They might even beat themselves up for it and feel so dejected that they can’t see any hope and then quickly abandon their dream.

The path to success is riddled with failure. There are countless examples of people who made it big whose path to success wasn’t always smooth. When you experience a setback in going for your dream, try to turn your thinking around from “I’m a failure or my idea is stupid,” to “I need to take a new look at my idea/dream and determine what adjustments need to be made.”

I just came back from a retreat where I got LOTS of ideas for my workshop that are really going to enhance it and make it so much better. Now I believe it was meant to be that my workshop didn’t run so I could gather all of these great new ideas. The Universe, in its infinite wisdom, guided me to this retreat to make my workshop even better than before!

It takes a lot of courage and you make yourself vulnerable when you put yourself out there to achieve a new goal or dream. Give yourself credit for that! Don’t let a silly setback stop you. When you understand that failure is an expected and normal part of the journey to success, you can be poised to expect failure and accept it as part of the journey. As with my experience, your setback might just make your dream even better.

Trying to Find Your Purpose in 2020? It Might be Right in Front of You

Many people are searching for their purpose in life – their ultimate true calling that will make their lives fulfilled – and this search often comes to the forefront at the approach of a new year. I know because I’ve been there. I struggled for many years trying to figure out what my purpose was in life. I even went to a spiritual director to discern my higher calling. But to no avail. I never got that “magic” answer that I so desperately craved. Most people are similar in that they expect to have this big “aha” moment when their purpose is ceremoniously revealed. But it doesn’t work that way.

Then one day, out of the blue, it just hit me that I WAS fulfilling my purpose in life which is to coach, encourage and motivate students toward achieving their career goals. I had thought my purpose would be found in pastoral ministry but then realized that my job was my ministry when I was kind, supportive and encouraging to my students. While I was searching and searching and searching, my purpose in life was right there in front of me!

Are you trying to find your purpose in life? The beginning of a new year is often a time when people reflect on this topic and decide to make some changes. As with me, your purpose in life might very well be what you’re doing right now. Does your vocation or avocation bring you joy, happiness and fulfillment? Do you feel that you’re making a difference, of whatever magnitude, and affecting people’s lives in a positive way? If not, then maybe it is the time for you to do some reflecting and discerning to find your true purpose.

Finding one’s purpose in life can be a highly elusive concept that often happens fluidly, imperceptibly and organically. Pay attention to what you naturally love to do. What is it that you get totally immersed in and lose track of time? Pay attention to those things that bring you a sense of fulfillment and joy. What do people say you’re good at or are your key strengths? Pay attention to that as well. Maybe something you’re doing on a volunteer basis or your hobbies could be your purpose in life.

I remember hearing a story about someone who worked at the Post Office. She called it her “church” because she offered out kindness and compassion to all with whom she interacted. Similarly, I once worked with a woman who was the receptionist in our company, and I would often tell her that she could do greater things. Liz would always reply with a smile and say that she loved her role as greeter where she could spread her light and love to all.

Oftentimes finding one’s purpose in life means simply “blooming where you are planted.” Reflect on the ways that you may be currently affecting others in a positive way to make a difference whether it be in your job, volunteer position, hobby, etc. Consider different ways in the new year that you can have a positive impact on those right around you. It doesn’t have to be monumental. As Mother Teresa said, “Do small things with great love.” If you are doing that, then you are fulfilling your purpose in life. 

Simple Visioning Tip

Recently, I was prompted to change my email password at work. This happens routinely, as a security measure. I typically bristle against the idea and wait until the very last minute to change it - this time actually missing the deadline and having to call our IT department and beg for forgiveness. "I liked my old password, I'm used to it," I argue in my mind, "Why are they making me change it?"

However, when I changed my password this time, I unthinkingly and automatically changed it to something I am envisioning for my life. I ended up changing my Gmail password to be the same. Since I log into both accounts multiple times a day, I am constantly thinking about my vision throughout the day. It's interesting that something that happened so spontaneously has resulted in a great way to keep my vision in the forefront of my mind. I think you should try it too!

Moving from Disability to Ability

“I have a disability — I can’t see,” says Randy Pierce. “We all have disabilities, things that we can’t do. I think it’s so much more important to put the focus of our lives on things we can do. And if something is important enough to you, I say anything is possible, you’re just going to have to problem-solve and persevere to get there.” 

We all have flaws, imperfections, weaknesses...call them what you will. Some of us use our disabilities as an excuse for not living life to the fullest. They hold us back from being our optimal selves. Sometimes our disabilities are physical, but often they are psychological. Previous life circumstances may have scarred us, or we may have received negative messages in our youth that are difficult to undo in our adulthood. 

What are the things that are holding you back from living your life to the fullest? Honestly answer this sentence, "I really want to do (your dream), but my (disability) is prohibiting me from doing so. Often our biggest disability is fear. Moving forward from our disabilities may be a challenge for some. If you need some assistance, consider working with a therapist, life or career coach who will be able to help you to address your fears and focus on your abilities. Life is too precious to waste by not living it to our fullest potential.

Read Randy's story below to get the inspiration you might need to move past your disabilities.

http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2015/04/blind-man-mountain-boston-marathon?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20150418

The Easter Message of Hope is for Everyone

Last Friday night as I was leaving my yoga class, I said to my friend, "Have a good weekend and a Happy Easter!" Then I quickly added, "If you celebrate it, that is" so as not to offend. In reflecting on this brief exchange, I realized that the Easter message is a universal message that can inspire all of us, Christians and non-Christians alike.

Whether you fully believe in all of the details of the Resurrection story, I think we can all relate to the symbolism and themes surrounding the Easter story: hope, joy, new life, rising from the ashes. In many ways, Jesus' way of being mirrored Buddhist principles. Jesus ultimately accepted his suffering as a necessary part of life, despite a brief spell of wishing it were otherwise in the Garden of Gethsemane. For without suffering, could we even have a resurrection story?

Suffering is an integral part of the Easter story, and suffering is an integral part of each of our stories. Sometimes when we're in the midst of our suffering, we feel alone and abandoned, as Jesus did in the garden, thinking we're the only one who is suffering. Inwardly or outwardly, we may be screaming, "Why did this have to happen to me or my loved one?" or "Why did God do this to me!" When we begin to realize that we are not alone in our suffering, that's when peace will settle in. No one is spared from suffering, not even Jesus. One time I remember reading a chain email where everyone had put their heavy crosses, or burdens, in the center of an empty room and people entering the room were asked if they wanted to take up someone else's cross. No one did. This story reminds us that as difficult as our suffering might be, there is always someone else who is bearing an equally heavy, if not heavier, burden than ours.

But the primary message that the Resurrection story brings is one of hope. As painful as our suffering may seem, "a new day will dawn for those who stay long." (Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven) In my earlier life I experienced several major tragedies but, for some reason, I emerged to be a woman who is filled with hope and positivity about life. Where did this come from? I honestly don't know but I believe the concept of grace that M. Scott Peck describes in the last chapter of The Road Less Traveled played a part. Perhaps it is my spirituality that saved me, my strong belief that there is a higher meaning and purpose to this life. I feel that my purpose, in turn, is to inspire hope and joy in the lives of others.

Many people are turned off by religion these days...about the bureaucracy, hypocrisy and rules. Jesus was none of that. He was a truly enlightened being whose primary message was that of love...love of self and love of neighbor. How can anyone argue with that? I used to think that I had to go to a church to connect with Him, but now I know I can experience Him anywhere and everywhere because God is within each of us. How can you find a way to connect to the god within your soul? If you don't like religious institutions, then perhaps meditation, yoga or a walk in nature will be your route.

As you can see, I have integrated ideas from Christianity, Buddhism, a psychiatrist and, yes, even Led Zeppelin. Some people may think this is sacrilegious. I do not. I think the problem with religion is that often its followers become tribal, rigid and defensive. How can the light get in? Yet, true growth in spirituality comes when we realize that we are more the same than we are different and that there are many paths to enlightenment.

The Universe Always Conspires...When the Time is Right

Earlier in my life when I was teaching at a small college in Boston, I became good friends with the career counselor there. I was fascinated with her job and expressed that I would love to do what she did someday. I didn't give it too much thought after that and went about living my life, never developing a plan to make that desire happen. But the Universe had taken note of it. About 17 years later I found myself being asked if I wanted to be the Director of Career Services at another small college. And I had no experience in this field! Talk about a leap of faith on their part.

I often wonder, "How did this happen?" Was it the simple act of expressing what I wanted?" As I said, I had no vision board or action plan to achieve this career goal. Did the universe conspire to make this happen as Paulo Coelho proclaims in The Alchemist? Was it pre-destined that it was meant to happen? 

A cousin of mine commented to me recently that when she was little she had a scrapbook with pictures of houses that are remarkably similar to the house she now lives in. A former coworker who grew up in upstate New York told me that when she was a little girl she was obsessed with Russia for some reason and had a map of Russia on her bedroom wall. It turned out that many years later she married a man from Russia. Stories like these abound.

Sometimes we get impatient when we wish or pray for things and they don't happen immediately. However, when we look back on our earlier lives and the things we had hoped and prayed for, we often realize that they did eventually happen...not necessarily in our time, but in God's time or the Universe's time. Take a moment to reflect on this idea. Are there things that have manifested in your life that you had wished for long ago? Sometimes we take these things for granted, not realizing that they had once been desires or dreams that have remarkably come true with very little effort on our part. Take a moment to feel thankful for these blessings. 

The beautiful thing is that the Universe will continue to conspire on your behalf, as it has for me. I find myself now working in a university environment that is the absolutely perfect place for me. All of my thoughts and desires about what I wanted in a work environment have come to fruition in this place, at this time. Sometimes we despair and abandon our dreams and desires if they don't happen when we want them to. Be patient. It took 17 years for my initial dream to manifest into a reality. When the time is right, the Universe will also conspire on your behalf to make your dreams a reality.

A Life with No Regrets

In my last post I wrote that I want to live my life with no regrets. In this article, a hospice nurse shares the top five regrets of those who are dying: http://faithhub.net/regrets-before-dying/#WAOrtcQs8fCA6AYA.01. What are the things that you would regret not having done when you're on your deathbed? Find a way to make them happen.

Two Inspiring Women

I just wanted to share two very inspirational videos today. Tao Porchon-Lynch is a 92 year old woman who teaches yoga and lives life to the fullest. The line I love best that she says is, "If you smile at everyone, you'll see how it opens the doors to all sorts of great adventure."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/01/tao-porchon-lynch-yoga_n_790743.html

Second inspirational video is of Willie Murphy, a 77 year old competitive power lifter: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/01/willie-murphy-body-builder-77_n_6250258.html. As you will hear, she never says the words, "I can't."

Both women espouse that life is an amazing adventure that each one of us has been given. Think about the ways you will take this precious gift and live your life to the absolute fullest. Don't let this relatively fleeting opportunity slip through your fingers. As comedienne Lucille Ball once said, "I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I haven't done." One of the ways I assess life's options is to think, "When I'm lying on my death bed, will I regret not having done X." Is the answer is "yes," I make sure that I do it! 

Angels on the Path

I met Ed on one of those gloriously brilliant days that you want to forever embed in your soul. I was taking a walk along the beach, and the ocean was dazzling, as if jewels were dancing atop its surface. Ed and I exchanged pleasantries and spoke about our small town's current happenings. "What a sweet, elderly gentleman," I thought, as I continued my way in the opposite direction.

Little did I know that Ed would become an integral part of my life in a small, but oh so significant way. It turns out that I now see Ed almost every day as I'm driving to work. Rain or shine, snow or wind, Ed is out there on his daily walk. I beep the horn, and Ed enthusiastically waves back, sometimes offering me a quick thumbs up. He is always smiling despite the hardship of his journey and the fact that age has curved his upper back, causing him to walk with a stoop.

Ed is a daily inspiration to me because of his positive spirit. When I am bemoaning the fact that it's early, or dark, or cold and I'm tired and I have to go to work, Ed is there as a visual reminder that life is good and that I have a lot to be grateful for. Last year I went to a gratitude workshop at Kripalu, and one of the women shared a little trick to foster a thankful mindset. She said, "Instead of saying I have to do this or that, say I get to do this or that." Her advice has stuck with me. When I'm sometimes not so eager to go to work (especially on a Monday morning!), I think about how lucky I am to have a job and that some people don't get to go to work.

The Universe puts people on our path to help us along the journey. They come into our life for a reason, to teach us some lesson. Ed is one of the angels upon my path. Who are yours?

Surrendering to the Storm

Here in the Northeast we are hunkered down today as blizzard Juno sweeps through the region. Most businesses are closed and life as we typically know it has ground to a halt. All because of Mother Nature. In the 70's there was a very popular margarine commercial in which Mother Nature menacingly proclaims at the end, "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature." Although we may not try to fool Mother Nature, we bristle against the idea that she, or the universe, or a higher power has ultimate control over our carefully calculated, down-to-the minute plans. Flights are canceled. Electrical power is lost. Heat is extinguished. Our meticulously crafted plans get tossed and scattered like pieces of debris in the whirling blizzard winds.

A blizzard is a bold reminder to us that we are not in control and that we need to learn to surrender. Not just during the height of a snowstorm, but every day. This is a difficult lesson to live by because our egos want to be in control, but trying to control every aspect of our lives causes us a lot of unnecessary stress. Although surrendering is difficult to do, when we learn to cultivate a habit of surrender, we soon realize that life gets easier and that our stress begins to melt away like snowflakes hitting a warm car windshield.

The Universe: Your Co-Conspirator

"And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." When I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho two years ago, this particular line really resonated with me. The possibility behind this premise fascinated me...could the universe really give me anything I wanted? I have to admit, though, that part of me remained skeptical, not fully believing in its message.

Fast forward two years later and I find myself amazed by the fact that I will be teaching in China next summer. "How did this happen?" I keep asking myself. These are things that happened to other people, not me. I still can't believe that it is happening to me! The opportunity to teach in China literally presented itself to me - I did not seek it out, at least not on a conscious level. Could the universe have been conspiring on my behalf? I definitely think so now.

Yoga-nalogies for Life

After practicing yoga for almost ten months now, I was finally able to do a wheel - with a little help and support from my yoga teacher. I was both petrified and exhilarated at the same time!  It was so scary to surrender to the pose and put my trust into my yoga teacher's hands. But afterwards, I was beaming because I had challenged myself to take this risk and had emerged victorious.

On the way home, I started thinking that this milestone in yoga class was clearly an analogy for life. In life we need to challenge ourselves and to take risks if we want to lead the most fulfilling life we possibly can - the life we were meant to live. We wouldn't practice yoga with the thought that our pose is good enough as it is, and we shouldn't approach life this way either. The ability to trust translates into trusting the universe enough to know that we are in exactly the right place, at exactly the right time, that we are supposed to be. The universe will always be there to provide us with everything we need - to be our metaphysical "helping hand."

Monday, Monday

Every other day, every other day,

Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time

These melancholy lyrics sung wistfully by the Mamas and the Papas ring oh so true for many people.  But do they have to?  Are Mondays truly awful or are they awful because we have a pre-conceived notion that they will be awful and so they live up to our expectations?

A few weeks ago, I went to my boot camp class at the Y.  During the cool down, the instructor was playing a song about the weekend and she apologetically said, "Oh, this isn't fair, I shouldn't be talking about the weekend on a Monday night."  To which I replied, "Why not? We need to learn to appreciate Mondays. For one thing, we get to take boot camp." And no, I wasn't sucking up. I meant what I said.

Nudges from the Universe

Recently, I got together with several former co-workers for a night of drinks and appetizers. It was great to see them and to catch up on the current events of our lives. We also talked a lot about the place where we used to work and were unanimous in our sentiments: that time and that place had been a wonderful, magical time in our lives because we had bonded so strongly, not only on a personal level, but in terms of our dedication and commitment to carrying out the mission of educating college students, many of whom were inner-city, first-generation.

I loved that place and was devastated when I was let go due to a reorganization. It clearly wasn't my choice, and I was upset that I was being forced to move on. The others had similar stories.  No one had wanted to leave but had been forced to move on for various reasons. But they all lived to tell the story and had all moved onto positions that were a step up in their careers and professional development.

Are you eating old, stale popcorn?

I read an article today about a new way to diet which suggests using your opposite hand to eat.  This simple trick, the authors say, will slow you down and put an end to eating out of habit.  The study tested people eating popcorn at a movie theater.  Those subjects who ate due to "automaticity," (without thinking about what they were actually doing) ate buckets of old, stale popcorn.  The study concludes that by picking up our fork with our less dominant hand, we can change our old patterns of eating behavior and lose some weight.

The whole idea of changing old patterns of behavior for the new year resonates strongly with me.  What are the other old, stale buckets of popcorn in our lives, patterns of behavior...ways we think about the world and life...that we mindlessly "consume" without giving them a second thought?  The beginning of a new year is a great time to break those patterns and to live life to the fullest, in the way it is meant to be lived.

Don't dread the detours

One snowy night last December, I was on my way to the gym after work when I suddenly encountered stand-still traffic in Kenmore Square.  "Oh, this is great," I sarcastically thought as I anxiously tried to finagle my way through the parking lot of cars.  "Now, I'll never get to the gym on time for my boot camp class."  I was feeling frustrated because I knew I needed to be at the class to alleviate the stress of the holiday season.  But I was only adding to my stress level by frantically inching along and impatiently counting the seconds until each light turned green.

But then it hit me...no, not another car LOL.  It hit me that I had a choice in how I was reacting to this situation.  I realized that I needed to just go with the flow and made an alternative plan.  So I made the decision right then that if I didn't get to the gym on time, I would take a walk instead.  And with that decision, my stress melted away like the flakes of snow on my windshield.

Why this blog...why now?

I am so excited to be starting this blog which is an idea I've been dreaming about for two years!  It's so great for me to see it finally come to fruition.  As someone who has been an avid seeker of guidance and insights about how to lead a happy, purposeful and meaningful life, I feel that now it's my turn to give back.  I have read more than my share of self-help books and have been on numerous spiritual retreats, and I'm hoping that I will be able to pass along the wisdom I have gained from my teachers through this blog. (Not that I'm done with this stuff  mind you - I will never be done!)

My goal is to be an inspiration to others, as my many teachers have been for me. My original intention was to thank all of my spiritual teachers who had helped me along the way in my journey, but as the list rapidly grew in my mind, I realized that everyone I have encountered in my life has been a spiritual teacher to me, ranging from Joseph, the man from Haiti who cleaned my office, to Jesus Christ himself.

I endured several hardships in my early life but emerged stronger for them and went on to lead a happy and productive life. My hope is that my story of perseverance will be an inspiration to others who are also suffering hardships in life. I sincerely believe that good can arise out of suffering if we move from bitter to better.  I invite you to come along for the ride with this blog and see where it brings us. I hope that you find that this blog inspires and motivates you in some small way. If it does, I will have satisfied my purpose with it. So, what are we waiting for? Let's start the journey.